


Breath

by Cora_knight_of_breath



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Homestuck AU, M/M, Sadstuck
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-05-13
Updated: 2013-09-01
Packaged: 2017-12-11 19:12:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 20
Words: 13,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/802189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cora_knight_of_breath/pseuds/Cora_knight_of_breath
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John just wants to survive highschool.<br/>The problem with that?<br/>There are actually three.</p><p>The jock, Dave Strider, who he has been sworn to secrecy about being able to beat up.<br/>The clueless recluse, Jake English, who John just tries to humor with a friendship at first.<br/>The troll, Karkat Vantas, who really doesn't know when to just shut his mouth.</p><p>[In a Highschool-based AU]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Start

The inhaler was just out of reach.  
He could not reach his bag nor the inhaler inside it.  
His breaths came in short gasps.  
He felt the edges of his vision go blurry, though he barely saw it.  
All he saw was that bag.  
He tried to croak out a call for help, but between the blood seeping from his side and through his fingers and his current asthma attack, he could do little more than wheeze and make the shapes of the words in his mouth.  
 _Help me. God, someone just help me. I don't want to die. Please. Help me!!!_  
He couldn't see anyone. The park was abandoned. The group that had attacked him was careful in their actions.  
Choose somewhere deserted and you won't get caught.  
Now John was on the ground, wheezing and watching his eyes blur.  
He fell onto his side, the one with the blood leaking from it.  
His vision grew slowly darker as the world blurred and a set of feet stepped into his view...  
 _Someone save me..._


	2. Meet Jake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John wakes up after his asthma attack to find himself in the home of an all-too-friendly nobody in the school.

Bright light overwhelmed John's vision as he slowly opened his eyes. He guessed himself to be in Heaven since Hell would be much darker. The light was bright enough that it could have easily been sunlight.  
He blinked a few times, his eyes adjusting. He found that he was in an unknown room. It was covered in posters for movies such as "Tomb Raider" and "Avatar." The room was a mess, really. There was no sign of any civilization ever keeping it healthy. Rather, there were plants climbing in through the open window, prodding through holes in the screens, and quite a few random items such as what John hoped to be fake guns.  
He sat up, a wave of nausea rushing over him. He had to hold his head as his brain pounded against his skull, as if begging to explode. His vision become covered in bright specks and colors started to blur. He could tell that he had not taken his medication on time, meaning he had been out for more than three hours.  
"Oh, you're up."  
John recognized the voice, though he normally would have denied such a thing. It was too obvious to him that it belonged to the joke of his school: Jake English. Jake was always rambling on about adventures, joking here and there about wanting to go on a few. He claimed repeatedly to have lived on an island with no one but his grandmother, her brother, his cousin, and their dog to provide him with company. He said he spent the days hunting "dangerous beasts of a pale complexion." His cousin, Jade, seemed torn between taking his side on the story and saving her own face. Typically she chose to save herself.  
"I'm so sorry to have just suddenly brought you over to my place," Jake said as he adjusted his glasses. Yes, glasses. They were yet another reason why everyone doubted his stories. That and the fact that he was a sophomore in high school.  
"It's fine," John said, his voice sounding like sandpaper. "What happened?"  
"I found you during an asthma attack. Wicked things, asthma attacks. Lucky me, Jade has asthma, so I knew just how to work your inhaler properly." Jake rambled on continuously about how many times he had saved Jade's life during an asthma attack, about proper storage of the items, and about the proper way to use them. He then went on to say that his cousin's grandfather also had asthma. That story was so long, John was about ready to fall back asleep by time it ended.  
"Anyway," he finally concluded, "I suppose we should be getting you home. Your father is likely worried off his hat about you."  
Were John around his friends, he likely would have made a joke about Jake's word usage. Since they were alone and the boy had just saved his life, he decided against it.  
"Yeah," John agreed, "you're probably right."  
Jake helped John to slide on his shoes and stand up. He insisted on carrying John's bag, though John kept saying he was not as weak as people stereotyped nerds to be. He was not about to get into the story about his fight with one of the members of the football team, though. He had been sworn to secrecy about beating the boy.  
As they walked, Jake kept John's ear busy with one-sided conversations that were mainly stories about his life on his mysterious island. He claimed to have survived a great many difficulties while on the island and to have survived more on pumpkin than any other food source.  
"Even though I didn't hunt a number of lusii," Jake was saying, "their meat tastes horrendous."  
John felt himself freeze. "Lusii? Like those things that raise trolls?"  
"Raised, John. We're living past hemospectrums and non-parenting races. They were Americanized, remember?"  
Of course John remembered. He had to listen to the lesson every year in History class. He was all too aware of it offending many trolls in the class, including his science partner. His science partner rambled on about the insult of it for almost the entire science period, even though the history lesson took place first thing in the morning and science was their last class. The only days he got spared the red-blooded troll's harangues were on days when their English teacher, who was also a troll, passed by. He would then go on a harangue of his own about how triggering that topic was to trolls. John really had begun to hate English, history, and science because of the two red-blooded trolls.  
"This is my house," John said, stopping Jake's tale about the hemospectrum as his grandmother taught it to him when he was little. "I guess I'll see you at school tomorrow."  
"Of course," Jake said with a grin. "Oh, we have lab tomorrow, right?"  
John nodded. "Yeah, why?"  
"The teacher told me that my partner and I have to start working with you and Karkat now."  
John bit back a harsh comment. "Great. Just what I need...a football player ruining my lab grade."  
"He's not too bad, John. The Strider is actually quite talented at understanding things, even if he tries not to show it."  
John sighed. "I'll ask him to change my table, I guess. I can't work with him."  
"Did something happen, John?"  
John just shook his head. "No. I just don't like football players." He turned, heading into his home and closing the door behind him. God did he hate football players...


	3. Lab Partners

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John is forced to have a new set of boys at his lab table: Karkat Vantas and Dave Strider.

God, could this day get any worse?  
"John, you aren't mixing the chemicals right."  
"John, seriously."  
"You are going to make them explode!"  
John slammed his fist down on the lab table. "Will you just shut up already?"  
John could feel the blonde football player staring at him through his stupid sunglasses. He was just getting so annoyed, though! He had performed this lab three times in the past two years. He had prepared for it just like he prepared for all others. He knew exactly what he was doing!  
"Maybe we should let John take the reins on this, Dave," said the ever-clueless Jake. "He tends to come to extra help a lot, and I see him doing the labs. He's never missed a lab day, though."  
"Yeah," John said, "because I work ahead. I like understanding labs before I do them."  
The teacher approached from a nearby table. "John, is everything okay?"  
He heaved a sigh. "It's fine. I just...it's hard to deal with a new set of people at my lab table. Eridan and Tavros were just easier to get along with, I suppose."  
"Sorry, John. You know how the rules are with lab table pairs. We switch every week."  
"I know. I won't let it happen again, Mr. Captor."  
The teacher nodded and headed back over to the lab table he was at previously, trying to instruct the three trolls and single human on how to properly mix the chemicals. You could tell all too easily that he would have rather been teaching a coding class.  
"Let's just get back to the lab," John said, adding a drop of another chemical.

After class, John found himself being stopped by Dave Strider. The blonde looked like a complete douche in his shades and varsity jacket.  
"Hey, John, about earl-"  
"Forget about it," John said, cutting him off. "Just don't question my decisions on labs. There are reasons that my table always passes them with flying colors."  
"John, look, I'm trying to be a good person and apo-"  
"And I'm saying there's nothing to apologize for."  
"Stop cutting me off, Egderp!"  
John's eyebrows furrowed together. "I thought we agreed to only talk when demanded of us in science. Let's keep it at that."  
He shoved past Dave, but a firm hand on his arm stopped him.  
"Look, you should know by now that I don't encourage my team beating you up. Yeah, you managed to get Mr. Cool-Star-Player Dave Strider, big deal. You swore to secrecy, and we agreed to never talk about it again. But if it's going to risk us being sent to detention, I think it's time we start talking."  
"Look, Dave, I have places to go. My dad's going to be home soon and he needs me there to help cook."  
"I'm not an idiot, John. Your dad doesn't come to parent-teacher nights. He doesn't come to school activities. He never leaves the house. His car is always there. He's not home, John. We both know-"  
"Shut up!" John shouted. "Just because your stupid brother is never around at school events for you while everyone else's parents are, and just because he never comes to your games, and just because he just doesn't seem to treat you properly doesn't mean that you can just make assumptions about how everyone else lives!"  
Dave released the shorter boy's arm, his head hanging. "Don't talk bad about my bro."  
"Then stop making assumptions about my life."  
And with that, John left, fighting back tears.  
 _God did he hate football players..._


	4. Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John gets a guest at his house.  
> Who is the guest?  
> Let's just say it's who he least expected to pay him a visit.

John slammed the door of his house with all his might, angry tears pouring down his cheeks.

"I hate him, I hate him, I hate him!" he screamed.

He pulled a pair of aviator sunglasses from his pocket. The framed were bent and one lense was broken. He gripped them in his hand and swung his arm, ready to throw them. Throw away all his hatred towards that stupid jock. Get rid of it all.

But his hand wouldn't release it...

_"Look, Dave...I'm sorry..."_

_"It's fine. I should be apologizing, I guess...my bro's gonna kill me for getting into a fight."_

_"What if I don't tell anyone?"_

_"Seriously?"_

_"Yeah...just promise me something."_

_"Sure."_

_"Don't ever talk about my dad again..."_

He had sworn not to. He told John to keep the broken shades for proof. The whole fight. He hated it so much. The stupid jock didn't do anything but make things worse for John.

"I hate all of this!"

He walked past his nanna's portrait and ashes, heading into his father's study. A flick of the switch and the light was on, illuminating the study. It was bright in there with the light on, but it felt dark. It felt sad. It felt...dead.

John made it his hobby to keep his dad's study clean. His dad liked it that way. When he was young he would say, "Oh, dad'll be home from his trip soon. Better clean the study. He might be upset if he comes home to a mess."

John always kept the house clean out of habbit, now. 

He was about to head upstairs when the doorbell rang. He really was not in the mood for any visits from Jake. Really, he knew it had to be Jake. No one else knew where he lived. Unless...

"Shit. I am not in the mood to deal with him right now..."

He wiped his eyes and went to the door, ready to slam it the moment he saw the blonde hair and shades.

Only, he didn't see blonde hair and shades. He saw black hair, horns, and grey skin. It was Karkat Vantas, who happened to be absent during the day's lab.

"Hey, Egbert, I needed notes from science class today. Dave wouldn't give them to me, but he gave me your address."

"Oh, right." John quickly ran into his house and grabbed the science binder from his bag. He handed it to Karkat once he returned to the door. "You can find them, right?"

"Yeah." He paused. "Is something up?"

"Nah," John lied. "Everything's fine."

"You were crying."

John felt himself go tense. "No I wasn't."

"Trolls can sense the emotions of people. Why do you think that most of us don't show any? Why do you think Dave won't show any? He knows that as his lab partner, I'll tear him up."

John shook his head. "It's nothing. Don't worry."

"Like hell it's nothing. Look, Joh-"

"Karkat, I'm fine," John interuppted. "It's nothing. I'm just frustrated. If you want to help solve the problem or whatever, go punch Strider or something. Just don't bug me."

And with that, he slammed the door on the troll.


	5. Black Eye

John entered the science classroom, sitting at his desk in front of Dave's. The Strider was nowhere in sight. He noticed Karkat walking in with a bandaged hand, and it too all his willpower not to jump to conclusions.

When Dave finally arrived, he said nothing. John thought he saw Karkat glaring at the blonde, though.

When the class finally ended, John was all-too-thankful. He ran from the awkward class, heading straight for his locker.

_Locker open._

_Books out of bag._

_Homework in bag._

_Locker closed._

_Turn and-_

John's eyes widened when he saw the large kids around him. They were all part of the football team.

"Hey, Egderp, what'cha got there?" asked one as he snatched away John's bag. "This isn't yours, is it?" He ripped open the zipper, dumping the contents out. Tears entered John's eyes as the jock made a show of tearing the picture of John's dad that fell out.

"Hey, idiots, what did I tell you about messing with John?"

Everyone turned around to see a furious Dave Strider. Everyone knew that whatever emotion Dave showed needed to be multiplied by a hundred since he held most of it back. Considering this, he was probably ready to kill someone.

"Come on, Dave. We all know he's to blame for your black eye," said one of them. "And when you mess with one member of the team, you mess with all of us."

"John had nothing to do with what Karkat did and you know it."

"Yes he did! That fucking troll even said, 'That's for John!' If that doe-"

"Just shut up and leave him alone. I told you all a dozen times! Leave John alone!"

The other football players frowned. "Fine." He quickly spun around, punching John in the nose. The small boy fell back, sinking to his knees. He curled into a ball as the other players kicked him. He couldn't breathe...

_Help! Someone! I can't breathe! Get my inhaler! I don't want to die! Not in front of that dumb jock!_

_  
_In the blink of an eye, the other players were thrown back, John's items were in his bag, and he was in a strange room. It looked like a living room. But whose was it?

"John, can you hear me? I need you to open your mouth. You're having an asthma attack and I can't give you your inhaler if you don't open your mouth." John weakly opened his mouth. Something hard was slid inside. It made a noise as air was forced into him. He held his breath, counting the seconds.

_One._

_Two._

_Three._

_Breathe out._

_Take in another breath from the inhaler._

_Hold it._

_One._

_Two._

_Three._

_Breathe out._

_  
_His breathing normal again, John allowed his eyes to close. He felt strong arms pick him up and lay him on something soft. He felt something touch his forehead. Were those what lips felt like? Or maybe it was something else? He really was unsure. His father had never kissed his forehead, so he had never known.

"Get some rest, John. You need it," said a gentle voice.

Was it Dave's voice? No, Dave would have left him there. Maybe it was Dave's cousin Dirk. But why would he have helped John?

" Who...?" John mumbled, unable to form a complete sentence.

"Just rest. You can worry about it later."

He heard feet heading towards the door. He put all the effort he could into saying, "Wait! Don't leave...please..."

He heard a chuckle. "I'll be back. You're kinda in my bed."

The darkness took over John's mind and hearing before he could say anything else, so he just allowed himself to sleep. He was tired anyway...


	6. The Mysterious Hero

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to find the mysterious hero!!!

_Well, John, looks like your asthma attack sure did take a lot out of you, huh? No, no, don’t get up. I’ll make you some chicken soup and a cake. Then you’ll feel all better. Now, now, don’t get up. You still need to recover. Your body is still tired. Yes, I know you already slept three hours. Another couple wo-_

 

John’s eyes fluttered open. The light of the room was on and a tray was next to the bed. On the tray was chicken soup and a glass of apple juice. He carefully propped himself up on one arm, looking at the sight. He wasn’t sure what to do, though. He didn’t really have much time to think, however, before the door opened.

 

“Oh, you’re up. I was just coming in to heat up your soup.”

 

John was genuinely shocked when he saw Dave Strider. His sunglasses were off, revealing his red eyes. Or, rather, one red eye and one swollen shut eye. He had the vague recollection of people blaming him for it. But he had never given Dave a black eye. He broke the jock’s shades, yes, but he never gave him a black eye.

 

“Karkat hit me,” Dave said, noticing John staring at it. “I don’t get why. All he said was, ‘That’s for John!’ and then BAM!” -the jock slapped his hands together- “I was seeing stars. I was surprised he could hit that hard.”

 

“I’m sorry,” John said, looking down.

 

“Nah, it’s not your fault.”

 

“But it is! I told Karkat to go hit you if he wanted to solve my problems since he kept bugging me for crying an-” John froze. Oops. He wasn’t supposed to let Dave know that he had made him cry.

 

“Oh, man...I’m sorry. I didn’t know. I should have kept my mouth shut. I was just pissed because my team kept beating you up since they though I didn’t like you or something. You ended up becoming their personal punching bag. I thought I could try and make it up to you by acting like I cared. Well, not acting. I actually cared. It’s just...fuck, this is hard. This is why I don’t talk.” The jock sat on the edge of the bed with a sigh. “Look, I’m sorry I made you cry. If it makes you feel better, I feel like shit for it.”

 

John leaned forward and quickly kissed the jock’s black eye. “There. My dad said that makes injuries get better.” He quickly uncovered. “Anyway, I gotta go. I need to head home. My dad’s probably home by now and worried sick.” He hopped out of the bed, stumbling only slightly. His dad was right. It was best to rest for a long time after severe asthma attacks.

 

“Don’t you even think about it, John.”

 

In the blink of an eye, John was covered up with a fresh hot bowl of soup beside him. He really hated flash step sometimes. It made everything so complicated and hard to get away with.

 

“Look,” Dave said, “you need to rest. My bro isn’t gonna come back until later. Around one, really. So, you need to rest. You can just skip school tomorrow to sleep or some shit. Make up the homework you didn’t get to do. I dunno. Point is, you need to spend today resting.”

 

There was a pause before John said, “Dave...I really should go home. My dad-”

 

“Don’t fucking lie to me!” Dave suddenly shouted, making John flinch. His eyebrows tilted down, giving him a sad expression, and his voice softened. “John, your dad isn’t coming home. I’m not fucking stupid. You may not want to tell me, but you can’t lie to me. I know these things better than you realize. I’m a Strider, and Striders always figure this shit out.”

 

“Dave...”

 

The blonde let out a sigh. “Forget it, Egbert. I’m gonna go sleep on the couch.”

 

He stood up, feeling defeated. John panicked, unable to think straight. Dave was worried. About him. Dave cared. What the fuck had happened to John’s life? Was he still dreaming or something? Dave never cared or worried about anything!

 

“Dave, wait!” His hand flew out, grabbing Dave’s. He saw the blonde tense before tearing his hand from John’s.

 

“Nevermind, John.”

 

He walked to the door. John had to figure out how to make him stop. He didn’t want to be in the strange room alone. His nightmares would come back again.

 

“My dad’s on a business trip!” John suddenly shouted. “He left three years ago and never came back! The plane didn’t crash or anything, and I have his credit card to buy food with. He’s still alive, he just doesn’t want to see me! He doesn’t care anymore.” John looked down, tears rolling down his cheeks. “No one cares anymore. And I’m confused and lost and I just don’t want to be alone if you’re making me stay in this strange room because then the nightmares will come back. I don’t want them to come back.” He desperately wiped at his blue eyes, his voice now no more than a whisper. “I don’t want them to come back...”

 

Dave let out a sigh and slowly walked back. He sat down on the edge of the bed and pulled John into a hug. John’s blue eyes went wide. He started panicking. Breathing was becoming difficult again. Shit...

 

“I’m sorry, John...I’m sorry...”

_John couldn’t say anything before everything went black..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What? Me? Have an unhealthy addiction to almost killing John? Psh. Never.


	7. Possessive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to [PuppyLovesBunny](http://archiveofourown.org/users/PuppyLovesBunny/pseuds/PuppyLovesBunny)

John blinked a few times, shocked to find himself in his room. He sat up, realizing his alarm would go off soon. He got up, getting dressed. He packed his bag, shocked to find all his homework done.  He ate a quick bowl of cereal, washing the dishes once done. He ended up ready ten minutes earlier and decided to take a scenic route to school. As he headed out, however, he was greeted by an unexpected guest waiting for him on the sidewalk.

"Hello, John! I noticed Mr. Strider bringing you home and figured you had another asthma attack. I thought I'd help you to school in case you needed it. But I didn't know when you leave."

John sighed. Short route it was.

"Okay, Jake. Thanks."

Jake nodded, smiling. "And if you need help, I'll willingly help!"

"Yeah, thanks. Let's just get going."

\--

By time they got to school, John was actually laughing. Jake had some interesting stories to tell, most of which featured his humiliation.

" Look, Jake, thanks for walking me to school. Maybe we can plan to walk together another time. Maybe, though. I'm definitely not making any promises."

Jake grinned, nodding. "Gladly Jo-"

Anything else Jake said was cut off as John suddenly appeared behind the school.

"What the fuck, Dave!?" 

Dave didn't say anything, just glowered from behind his shades.

"Explain yourself, asshole!"

Dave hesitated before speaking. "What the fuck were you doing with English?"

"Walking to school. Why does it matter?"

Dave stayed silent. He didn't seem willing to talk.

"Why won't you fucking answer me!?"

His hand moved, ready to slap sense into Dave - literally. His hand was stopped, though. Before he could blink, Dave's lips were pressed against his, and he was pressed against the wall. He squirmed, trying to break free. He knew Dave was stronger, though.

Dave pulled back after a brief moment, not saying anything. He didn't have to, though.

"What the actual hell!? What were you thinking, Dave? After all the hell you've given me, you're just gonna randomly kiss me!?"

John didn't given Dave a chance to react. Instead he took off running, eagerly getting to his first class. He ignored Dave in the hallways. Come lunch, he sat with Karkat. In science, too, he asked Karkat to work on the textbook problems before Dave could even open his mouth.

When Dave got home to his empty apartment, he became all too aware of how badly he had fucked up. He was hoping to be basic friends with John. Just spend time together, watch John's lame movies. They could eat pizza, play video games.

Anything.

Then he could worry about pursuing his feelings.

"Good job, Strider. You screwed up bad. Hell...your taking a one-way trip to fucked-up town. Population: Dave Strider."


	8. Karkat

“This is the lamest movie I’ve ever seen.”

 

John rolled his eyes. “Shut up, Karkat. It’s a great movie.”

 

“The acting is horrible The entire storyline is predictable. Can we just take a moment to complain about Nic Cage alone?”

 

“No, we can’t. Pass the popcorn.”

 

John was rewarded with the entire bowl dumped onto his head. “Oh, now you’re getting it!”

 

He tackled the troll, pinning him to the couch, only to have Karkat flip him over. “Yeah. No. Don’t start a fight with a troll.”

 

John was laughing, though. “Okay, okay, you win. Can I get up?”

 

Karkat released him, sitting up. “Fi-WHAT THE FUCK JOHN?”

 

John had him pinned again, sitting on his chest. “Never let your guard down!”

 

“Oh, but you just did.”

 

John was pulled down, his lips pressed against the troll’s. He gently pressed back, a smile on his face. He pulled back after a brief moment. “I should keep my guard down more often.”

 

Karkat and John had been hanging out for the past three weeks. The entire incident with Dave had been long forgotten. Jake walked to school with John, and Karkat joined them both on the walk home. He would then do homework with the troll at his house. Karkat was better than Dave, John decided. He never questioned John’s dad’s absence. He also didn’t insist on butting into John’s business. Besides that, Karkat was an outcast among trolls. His deep red blood made him a target for bullying. John already was, but the bullies had been leaving him alone. Karkat hanging out with him actually kept bullies away from the troll.

 

“Hey, John...?”

 

“Hm?”

 

“It’s getting late. I should probably head home.”

 

John slowly climbed off him, though he was reluctant to. The troll was the color of a tomato, though. He probably could use the break. He had never actually kissed John. Maybe cuddled close during a movie, but that was it. They had never even said they liked one another, and they had never kissed before. John wanted to say Karkat was his first kiss...but just thinking of his first kiss made him flinch.

 

“You wanna walk me back?”

 

John smiled. “Yeah.”

 

He stood up, grabbing his coat and slipping in on. Karkat never wore a coat. Something about troll bodies adjusting to temperature, he said.

 

They both headed out, John locking the door behind him. He was really happy right now. Here with Karkat...

 

It made the problems okay. Made Dave go away. Dave had left him alone since that event. He never spoke a word during lab and he seemed okay. The football team seemed to leave John alone altogether, though. John was genuinely confused as to whether or not Dave was mad that John had completely ignored him right after the Strider basically confessed to him.

 

As they walked, John and Karkat talked about school, projects, and science labs. John explained that he tended to do the labs in advance just in case he ever missed a lab day. Plus, the teacher gave him extra credit for it.

 

“Your grades must be pretty important to you,” Karkat said.

 

“Yeah. I want a good job. One that doesn’t follow in my dad’s footsteps.”

 

“What did your dad do, anyway?”

 

“He was in business. I don’t know the exact business, though. He was always on business trips whenever I wanted to ask him.”

 

Karkat sensed it was getting to a sensitive area. So, he let it drop. He let the two of them walk in silence, letting John recover from the dark topic.

 

“This is my hive.”

 

John smiled. “See you at school tomorrow.”

 

Karkat rolled his eyes. “Tomorrow is Saturday, idiot. If you want to go to school, go ahead. I’ll be at home, though.”

 

John laughed. “Oops. I guess I keep thinking there’s school every day. I’m at the point where I don’t really care.”

 

Karkat smiled. “I’ll see you around.”

“Yeah. Bye.”


	9. Speak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why hasn't Dave acknowledged John at all?

Dave had definitely been hurt by John ignoring him. He could get over it, though. Start from the scratch.

He was good at that stuff.

But then his brother came home drunk one night. Dave normally had no problems when his brother was drunk. As long as his brother was left alone, there were no problems. Dave was feeling hurt, though. John had spent the _entire_ science class listening to Karkat and Jake flirt with him. He had showed absolutely no sign of it, though.

So, when his bro asked for his typical glass of water, Dave bit back. He barked, "Get it yourself."

His brother and him both argued for a bit before a strife broke out. Dave ended up with a dangerous injury. His brother didn't help. He had to basically bandage it himself. His brother was the only family he had, so going to the hospital and explaining what had happened was out of question. He needed his bro. If he was put into foster care, he would risk having to move to a new town. That would make him lose all chances of being with John.

The problem was that he had no idea what he was doing. He managed to stitch up his throat easily, but there was damage done to his vocal chords.

He wanted to talk to John during lab...

To tell him that he was messing up on the lab...

To tell him that he had some of the paint they were heating on his nose...

But he couldn't...

_Dave strider, you're an absolute idiot. And now...you're fucking lost._

He really was lost.

He had gone for a walk after school, completely ignoring the homework he was lugging with him. Now he was lost. All he knew was that he was in a troll neighborhood. The hives made it obvious.

"Yeah, bye."

Dave looked up. He knew that voice. He was shocked to see John.

_Quick, Dave, go! Run before he sees you! What if he accuses you of stalking him! What the fuck? Why aren't your stupid legs working??? RUN! You lost your voice, not your ability to walk!!!_

"Dave?"

Dave went tense. He gave a small two-finger salute, trying not to flash step away.

"What are you doing here?"

Dave shrugged.

"Hey, look, Dave...I know what happened was awkward, but could you at least not give me the silent treatment? I'm pretty sure we're in high school, not grade school."

Dave let out a sigh before pulling a notebook from his backpack. He opened it, carefully writing, "I can't talk."

"Why not?"

He carefully wrote under it. "I got injured during a strife." He slid the scarf around his neck down a bit, revealing a sloppy bandage.

"Oh my god...Dave...you have the medical skills of a three-year-old!" John grabbed his wrist, pulling him along. Dave tried protesting, but nothing came out when he opened his mouth. Before he could say anything, he was in John's house.

_Dave...you better not fuck this up for yourself..._


	10. First Aid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *was so tempted to name this "First Aid and First Base"*  
> I typically use chapter titles to help me decide what should happen (*has absolutely nothing planned out for the story*) but then I decided I'll just name it first aid and let another character make an entrance. Dave is in no state to be kissing, after all.

"God damn it, Dave! Just take off the scarf!"

Red eyes glared at the dark-haired boy trying to remove his scarf. They had knocked off Dave's sunglasses, revealing red eyes unaccustomed to the bright light. John kept trying to remove the red scarf, but Dave was stubborn as a bull. John was getting ready to grab scissors and cut it off. Instead, he forced himself to take a deep breath and shove a notepad and pen at the blonde.

"Write. Tell me why you won't take it off."

Dave let out a sigh. _It bleeds when you take off the bandages. Besides, it's not that bad._

"Dave, those two lines contradicted one another. Take off the scarf so I can get a proper look."

Dave was about to argue, but John looked determined. So, he slowly peeled away the scarf. John eyed the sloppy bandages for a moment before picking the home phone off its base and dialing a number.

"Hey, I need some help. Just looking at the bandages...yeah, yeah. Can you bring a kit? I don't know it mine's stocked for this kind of stuff...yeah, that's why I figured you would...yeah, yours is huge." John laughed. "Come on, do a guy a favor. Tomorrow's Saturday, so it won't affect you too much to lose some sleep...what if I buy you coffee? Then...yeah. Okay. It's a deal, then."

He hung up the phone and sat back next to Dave. "Jake's bringing over his first aid kit. He has a lot more than the basics in his."

Dave's red eyes widened before his eyebrows knitted together. _No way! I can't stand him! I'd rather get sent to the hospital!_

"Okay. I'll call an ambulance, then."

_Wait, no! Okay! Fine...I can't get a hospital involved..._

"That's what I thought."

After a few moments, Jake arrived with a large duffel bag.

"I wasn't sure what I was dealing with since you didn't describe it on the phone," he said, setting the bag on John's coffee table. "Hey, Dave." He smiled, giving Dave a wave. "So, let's see the injury."

John motioned to Dave. Jake crouched in front of him, careful not to touch the blonde at all. He simply looked over it.

"I'll need to completely rebandage it. The stitched are too big and visible through the bandage. The thread you used was too thick. That's just more painful. I'm guessing it wasn't completely disenfected properly. I can see a line of potential infection even without looking at the actual injury without the bandages." He traced a line without touching the bandages for the benefit of John. "It's likely you've been overstraining yourself. That's not good since it seems like you might have gotten your larynx damaged."

"His what?" John asked, raising an eyebrow.

"It's his voice box. He would be dead if his vocal chords were damaged. They're in his wind pipe."

John looked at the green-eyed boy in awe. Were he looking at Dave, he would have seen the pure jealousy present in his red eyes. He knew about plenty of things that could impress John! First aid just wasn't one of those.

"Dave, can we remove your jacket and shirt? I don't want to risk getting blood on them," Jake sad as he unzipped the duffel bag.

Dave hesitated before nodding. He slowly slipped off the jacket and his T-shirt. John's eyes grew wide as he took in all the scars covering his chest, back, and arms.

"How did you get all those?" he asked.

_Strifes with my bro._

"Amazing! Do they hurt? How old are they? Were they dangerous?"

Dave was about to answer when Jake held up his hand. "John, let's not give him the urge to talk until after we bandage up his neck. I don't want to risk him trying to talk and just coughing up blood. I need to carefully make sure that it didn't damage too close to his windpipe before we get him trying to talk."

John nodded, clearly disappointed. Dave felt a bit happy, though. He actually managed to get John's interest. That was a feat since John seemed to completely hate him.

"Okay, so, John, take off your jacket. Your T-shirt shouldn't get blood on it, but we don't want to get blood on your jacket." Jake carefully peeled off his own jacket, revealing muscled arms that rivalled Dave's. The blonde was instantly set on edge with jealousy as John took in the muscle.

"Wow, Jake! How are you not on a sports team?"

Jake shrugged. "I don't like sports. But I had to be fit while living on the island. Best for survival."

Jake handed John a pair of plastic gloves, which the interested boy carefully slid on. He then put on a pair of his own gloves. A pair of scissors were retrieved from the bag. They were small enough to cut through string and bandages without actually cutting recklessly. He slowly cut the bandages apart, putting them in a ziploc bag. He then began cutting the sloppy string holding together the large slice across Dave's neck. The blonde made note of how wide John's eyes were when he saw the cut. He was completely enraptured as Jake worked. His blue eyes watched, ocasionally taking bloodied objects or handing clean ones to the green-eyed boy. When Jake was finished, Dave was bandaged together with a strange metal object in his throat.

"Don't talk for a while," Jake instructed. "This box can be knocked loose if used before three weeks have passed. In that time, we'll change the stitches and check to make sure it's properly replacing your larynx. These stitches are special and worth thousands. That voice box is artificial and was made by your cousin. You better treat it well and don't mess it up. Try to stay out of strifes for a while."

_But my bro will expect me to strife. It's how he works._

"Tell him you're staying with a friend. If I'm right, Johnny-boy here has a spare room."

"But that room-" John began.

"Is the only room any of have to spare."

"My dad will be mad if I loan it out!"

"Then you sleep there. Dave can have your room."

John sighed. "Fine. He can stay in my room. But no one is touching my dad's room. He could return any day. I'll just take the couch."

_I'll just stay at a hotel or something._

"No!" John said quickly. "You're not staying at some hotel! Who knows what kind of people stay in those places! It's dangerous!"

_It's just a hotel. I've stayed in them before._

"Forget it! C'mon. I'll take you back to your place now before your brother gets home. You can leave a note and grab your stuff."

_John, forget it. It's a waste of time._

"Is not! We're keeping you safe like real friends do!"

Dave wanted to scream and just shake some sense into John and just kiss him so much and-

No, stop. Dave...your throughts are getting dangerous. No more perverted thoughts!

"Dave, are you okay?"

Dave hesitated before nodding. _Fine. We'll do it._

John smiled. "Great! Let's go!"


	11. The Truth About John's Dad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens when Dave finds John's journal, which holds all the explanation of his dad's absence?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm starting to think the love triangle will be "Dave vs. Karkat and Dave's mental love triangle against Jake who really is just not gonna be with John but Dave's a jealous idiot. So who cares"

"Okay, so, this is my room. Where...y'know...you'll be staying. Just do me a favor and don't touch my computer."

Dave nodded, watching as John left the room. He had repeatedly told Dave the rules of the house. No entering his dad's study. No entering his dad's room. No touching his dad's stuff.

Dave sat with a slump next to John's bed, feeling the comforter that John had slept on every night before. Had anyone else ever touched the comforter? What about the pillow? Dave laid down, inhaling the familiar scent. He had been close enough to take in John's scent once, that one time he kissed him. He had carefully memorized it. It was a comforting scent. Welcoming, really.

Dave turned his attention to John's bedside table. Squeezed between the table and his bed was a book. Guessing John asleep, Dave turned on the bedside light and opened the book to a random page. It was dated three years ago.

_Dad's gonna be home soon, I hope. He should be..._

_The bank account money went up again. I don't think he's realized I have access to it. I noticed a new account linked to it, though. Some account for someone with the last name of Lalonde. I'm trying to figure it out, but I don't know._

Dave tried to put sense of this. He skipped a few entries, reading ahead.

_Dad still hasn't come back. I think he forgot about me._

_I can't kick the habbit of keeping everything clean, though. You'd expect a house with no one but a teenage boy in it to be a wreck. But it's not._

_Not money stopped getting added to the account. I got an email for a funeral. I guess he's dead now. But that's okay...I'll survive, I hope. I mean, feeding myself can't be that hard, right? I'll just get a job._

Next entry...

_I have tried every place possible. No one is willing to hire me. I'm worried. I'm scared. I don't want to starve. All I have is my savings account...but that might run out soon. I'm scared. I tried emailing my cousin. She said dad had been staying with her. Then he got in a car accident. I feel bad...but she said her stepmom and stepsister both were going to try and keep providing for me. She said the bank account would start rising agian in time. But until then I'd need to rely on savings. I'm worried because there are a lot less than they realize. They offered to fly me over there, but I don't want to live with a bunch of strangers that my dad abandoned me for._

Next entry...

_I'm living off ramen now. No choice. I only eat dinner. I never eat lunch. If I'm lucky my neighbor tosses me an apple from her yard. But she doesn't know that my dad stopped funding me. She'd call CPS if she knew._

Most recent entry...

_I bought some great fruit at the market today. They were having a sale. I also bought some aviators. I've been wanting to buy them to make up for the ones I broke of Dave's. I know he has a lot, but I feel bad...It's not right to break something and then not pay to replace it._

_I kinda feel conflicted inside. I don't know what to think about Dave. Or anyone, for that matter._

_With Dave, I really hate him half the time. But I still worry. I mean, he's a complete douche. Let's just not bother denying that. But he can be sweet at times. He tries to hide it, but I know better. Who can be a douche and have that much fun with dogs and cats at the SPCA? I mean, come on. I've seen him there. He's just too natural with them all. Animals have the best sense of judgement, right? So he can't be that bad of a guy._

_Jake's a good friend. But that's it. I mean, he's a complete dork. I know he's gay as fuck, but I also know he's totally gay as fuck for Dave's cousin._

_And Karkat? God...I don't even know. I mean, he's not a bad guy. I've never thought of liking him or kissing him.  I just...I don't know. What if I did kiss him? Being around him feels natural. I'm not at allsure if I like him. I'm confused. I've never liked anyone. And how do I know that I'm not straight?  I mean, I could be any number of sexualities and I'm just...I'm confused._

Dave closed the journal...his jealousy towards the troll brightly ablazed. So Jake wasn't his competition. It seemed like the mutant troll was, though.


	12. Saturday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saturdays are VERY awkward...  
> Especially when a guest shows up uninvited.

John smiled as he stirred the eggs in the skillet. His typical breakfast on Saturdays was scrambled eggs. He didn't really know how to make much else. So, he had doubled the number of eggs so as to properly feed Dave and gotten to work. He knew Dave liked apple juice, but he didn't actually have time to buy any. So Dave was going to have to deal with orange juice.

_What smells so good?_

John nearly dropped the spatula when the sign suddenly appeared in front of him. "It's breakfast. Go sit at the table."

Breakfast was a bit awkward. John was not sure what to say. So they ate in silence. After it, John began doing a few chores. Dave offered to help, but John instructed him to just sit on the couch and watch t.v.

"I have to clean the rooms that you're not allowed into," he explained.

Once John finished the cleaning, he was about to relax when a knock came on the door. He had been ready to rest, but company never waited. So, he answered the door to find none other than Karkat.

"Look, John, I've been thinking about last night," he began.

"Karkat, I think this is a very bad time for this conversation," John said, worried Dave would end up hearing it. That would be really embarrassing...

Too late to close the door, though.

Dave rested his hand on the short boy's shoulder, an expectant look on his face.

"Oh, look, it's Strider the fucking mute. What is he doing here?" Karkat asked, his eyes trained on John.

"He needed a place to stay. Jake doesn't have a spare room, hotels are creepy, and I have a spare room."

"You have _your dad's room_ which, last I checked, you don't count in the spare category."

"Yeah, I know. Jake made me. I can't help it."

"John, why _him_?"

Dave raised an eyebrow. Was this turning into a true love triangle?

"Karkat, come on. Grow up. It's just Dave."

"Yeah. Dave fucking Strider. Who fucking _kissed_ you! Who wouldn't be upset and suspicious if he was in your house?"

John's eyes widened. "Karkat!"

Dave looked back and forth at them carefully. Should he hit Karkat? Was he allowed to do that? After all, Karkat was clearly upsetting John.

"Don't take that tone with me! He's an asshole! You think so too, don't deny it!"

"Just...it's just for a few weeks! Then he'll go back to living with his bro! What's the big deal about that?"

"Movie night every Friday? Homework after school? The fact that I was about to just fucking confess to you!?"

Okay, Dave _really_ wanted to hit Karkat now. Maybe if he grabbed him by the horns and pulled him away John wouldn't know.

"Wait, wait, wait, wait! What!?"

"Yeah. Figured the kiss alone was a shitty job of it! But you clearly have other interests."

Karkat slammed the door closed, marching away from John's house. The dark-haired boy sank to the ground, blue-eyes wide as he tried to process what just happened. Dave couldn't help but feel guilty. Yes, he wanted John all to himself. But he still didn't want him all to himself unless John felt the same. He knew it wasn't right unless John was happy. Years with his bro being with people who hated the older Strider's guts had made him sworn only to be with people that liked him back. And now? Now he really had messed up John's wish to be happy.

John had liked Karkat.

Karkat had liked him back.

Dave should be jumping with joy right now.

But instead, he felt like there was an unbearable weight added to his stomach for some reason...

_God...Dave...I thought I told you not to fuck this up for yourself!!!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *slowly ruining everyone's chances of being with John without meaning to*  
> *at this rate Jake really is going to be the only option*


	13. Quiet Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John finds himself going to Jake for advice. What happens when he slowly drifts to sleep and the young adventurer quietly thinks over his true feelings for John?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so my adorbs GF has been on a Windicuffs kick lately(you should see her profile on Quotev. Windicuffs pic!) and really, we've compared ourselves to both JohnDave and JohnJake...
> 
> So, I'm pulling Jake back into the running. Slowly...but hopefully it'll work. (No guarantees that he'll win. Or that he won't die).

"Now, now, John, don't be so glum."

John and Jake were at Jake's house, sitting on the couch while John moped around. He was getting worried about John.

"Are you sure Karkat won't listen?"

"I tried talking to him," John explained. "He dropped me to voicemail. Ignored me at his job. And he threw eggs at me at his house!" Tears started rolling down his cheeks. "I don't know what to do anymore...I actually liked him."

Jake wrapped an arm around John, holding him close. "Now, look here, you're just going to have to give Karkat some time. You don't realize how people work since you've always been an only child. I dealt with Jade growing up, and trolls tend to act quite a bit like girls when hurt. Childish and completely unfathomable."

John blinked at him. "Huh?"

"I mean, Karkat doesn't want to listen to you right now. He wants to try to think for himself right now. He wants to consider things before he acts. Before he makes his decision."

"But why would he-"

"John, stop doubting it," Jake scolded. "He just needs time. Give him the time, and if he comes to forgive you...well, who knows? Maybe you two can't date because of this mixup, but maybe you can at least be friends. And I bet you'll be on to someone else."

Jake had someone in mind, but he kept his lips shut on that detail. He did not need to ruin the moment.

"Thanks, Jake...really," John said with a sigh.

He leaned against Jake, sniffing a bit. Jake leaned back, pulling John so that the smaller boy was laying on top of him. He gently rubbed his back, humming quietly. John slowly felt himself drifting to sleep. By time Jake started to actually sing, John was asleep.

"So hear me, if you're out there. Take these words, try to understand. That I want you, and I need you to take the hand of a quiet man...of a quiet man."

Jake could never really could admint how he truly felt to John. That would ruin everything. Even so, everything made him think so much more.

The way to young lad's eyes sparkled brightly when he offered to watch a Nic Cage movie...

The way he laughed at Jake's cheesy jokes...

The way he always made things brighter just by smiling...

The way he was Jake's sole companion. The only person who ever stuck by his side. Even Dirk, who he had silently harbored feelings towards for two years, slowly ignored him. He never talked to Jake...and it had hurt. But Jake had brought it upon himself, he supposed. During that time which they had tried dating, Jake had freaked out. He had suffered a panic attack and just ignored Dirk for an entire month. He was locked in his house the entire time.

He couldn't help that he was scared of everyone leaving him. He didn't want to be forgotten. He didn't want to be alone. Not again. Never again. Not on that island. That island couldn't come back. It couldn't make him be alone again...

It couldn't come after him, the therapist had said...

But he felt it...he felt it that entire month...

And then it came back even more after the breakup.

But then light had appeared. It had dark hair and bright blue eyes that shined. It took his breath away while struggling to hold its own. It was his strength that really kept that island away...

"Please...stay with me, John...don't let the island come back," he whispered, tears slowly streaming down his cheeks as he buried his face in the other boy's hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might have listened to "Between the Minds" by Jack Savoretti while writing.


	14. Protection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John meets a stranger on a walk home Sunday night.  
> Who is it that comes to his rescue?  
> And whose blood gets on the sophomore's hands?

"It's fine, Jake. I can walk home by myself," John said.

"Are you sure?" Jake asked. "It's so late..."

"I'll be  _fine_. I can fend for myself. Honest."

"I know. I'm just worried. Do you have your inhaler?"

"Yes."

"Mace?"

"Why would I have mace?"

"Scary guys are out about at night!"

"I don't own mace. I don't see the po-"

"Stay here. I'll get mine."

During Jake's journey up his stairs, John slipped out of the house. Jake worried too much. He would be fine on his own. Yes, he tended to let his mind wander at times. And, yes, he was absent-minded enough to fall asleep on top of his best friend when he was trying to hang out with him. But that didn't mean anything. Not at all.

So, John slowly took the journey back to his home. He figured Dave was in bed already. The blonde had been leaving him alone. Besides, he had sent him a text saying that he would be late. Yes, it was after ten. Yes, John could barely see in front of his face. Yes, John had just heard a rustling in the bushes.

Wait...what!?

"Calm down, John," he told himself, his breath speeding up a bit. "It's just a cat. Besides, creepy men aren't interested in dorky teenage guys."

He heard movement behind him and quickly turned. He let out a shout as a hand grabbed his shoulder. The smell of alcohol was strong. This guy seemed furious. Like he was about ready to kill someone. His grip was death-like, making John cry out in agony. John tried to remember the face in case he got out. Blonde hair. Triangle shades like Dave's cousin. A white shirt and black pants. Leather gloves.

"Help!" John screamed. "Some get him off!"

"Hey, kid, calm down!" the guy slurred. God, his breath made John want to barf! "I just need direshons."

The guy clamped a hand over John's mouth, freaking him out even more. He desperately wiggled, trying to breath in something other than the scent of alcohol. He wanted help. He wanted his breathing to come normally. He wanted to be able to grab his inhaler. He wa-

BAM!

The guy was suddenly pushed off John. He fell down, instantly grabbing his inhaler and using it. He watched in shock as Jake waved his hand in pain.

"That hurt more than I guessed it would have," he said. He bent down, offering John a hand. "You okay, ol' chap?"

John nodded, taking Jake's hand. The guy was now furious. Blood dripped from his nose, which he ignored as he pulled out a sword.

"Shit!" Jake shouted. "Runrunrunrunrunrun!" he urged to John, pushing him along.

John ran as fast as his feet could carry him, but the guy was instantly in front of him. He knew that move...

"Now, are y'all gone ben ice brats an tell me ear to gore not?"

Jake laughed a bit, though he pushed John behind him. "Sorry, Mr. Strider. Can't say I can." That's what it was. Flash step. It was Dave's bro! "You see, you're a bit too drunk for safety."

He pulled out a bebe gun, though John had learned that his other guns were real. A few shots were fired, but the Strider dodged with ease. In an instance, he was in front of them and John felt Jake's grip on his wrist tighten. The man pulled the sword back, its blade now coated in red. Jake sank to his knees and John's breath caught.

"Jake!" he screamed. He looked up at the elder Strider. "You bastard!" He ran at him his hand still gripping his inhaler as he punched furiously at him. The Strider dodged with ease, but he also noticed the inhaler and chose not to attack. Instead, he just vanished. Alcohol, man...John made a vow never to touch it.

A cough brought John back to what was going on right now that he needed to attend to. He quickly bent down next to Jake, taking off his jacket to press to the tall boy's side. The blood was slowly dripping on his hands.

"John...hospital...ambulance," Jake choked out.

John nodded, pulling out his cell phone and quickly dialing for help. Jake was barely holding on once the ambulance finally appeared. He felt his heart race and had to use his inhaler multiple times before they arrived. At one point, the people in the ambulance just gave him an oxygen mask. The police asked him to describe what had happened and give full detail of the man that had attacked. They asked if they could call John's dad to tell him where he was, but John just said he was away on business. By the end of the night, the police had told John that he and Dave-who John had no choice but to reveal as currently staying with him-would have to stay with Jake since John refused to go near an orphanage. The police stated the house would be carefully guarded.

By the end of the night, Dave had arrived at the hospital with the help of flash step. He fell asleep next to John in the waiting room, John's head leaning on his shoulder as the blonde boy found comfort in John's dark locks...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do believe I said, "Nice guys finish last. Unless I'm the writer. Then they die."


	15. Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jake is hiding something. Dave wants to find out.

John let out a sigh.

It had been four weeks since the event with Dave's Bro had passed. Jake had decided that, since the police were making the Strider staying with him, the boy ought to stay quiet for an extra week. For safety. Today was going to be the first day that Dave was going to talk.

John was excited, yes, but he was feeling restless about Karkat. He lived with Dave and Jake and just wanted a break from the same people. He wanted Karkat.

"Well...does it sound right?"

John blinked. The Strider's voice sounded a bit different, but it was still there. He was still Dave the Douche.

His voice was still, in essence, the same voice.

"Amazing!" he exclaimed, jumping up and hugging Dave. He tried to ignore how reluctant Dave seemed to let him go. "I'm gonna go get us something to drink from the store! Apple juice and soda!"

Before Jake and Dave could say anything, John was gone. They felt a bit confused as to what to do with it being just the two of them.

"So...must feel good to talk again, huh?" Jake asked with a smile.

Dave nodded, though he didn't say anything.

"Was it hard to stay quiet? I know you don't usually say much as is, but I figure there must have been times when you wanted to talk."

"Yeah," Dave admitted.

The previous week, John had suffered a nightmare. Dave knew exactly what it was about. The words the blue-eyed boy muttered made it to obvious that it was about his dad. Dave had wanted to hold him close and actually tell him, "Hey, it's gonna be alright. You're not alone anymore. You have Jake and me...and I'll never leave you."

But he couldn't.

He could do nothing but hold the boy as he sobbed. He could only rock back and forth, wishing desperately to tell John it was okay...that his dad loved him...

But he couldn't.

"Hey, Dave...do you like John?"

Dave was caught off guard by the question. He hesitated. "Why do you ask?"

"Well...I was just curious," Jake explained. "He's..." He seemed to falter. "He's like a little brother to me. He told me that I'm like the older brother he never had. And I want to make sure that people who choose to pursue him know that they have to get my approval first. I'm his family now. Even if his father is gone, I'll protect him."

Dave sighed. "I'll protect him. I'd have to be stupid to let anyone hurt him."

Jake smiled a bit. "Good. I'm glad."

Dave nodded. He seemed on edge, though. He thought Jake was going to tell him that he held harbors for John. That John meant everything to him.

But that was silly.

Like he said, John had said Jake was nothing more than a brother to him.

He had no threats.

But...he felt them...

He could sense that there was something hidden in those sad green eyes that looked down at the table. There was definitely something that neither he nor John were aware of.

And, suddenly, he wanted to find out what...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait.  
> I've been working on a friend's request, [The Trouble With Love](http://archiveofourown.org/works/836360)  
> She wanted me to Homestuck a story she had heard at school.  
> It's gonna be a long story, I hope.


	16. Meanwhile, With John...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh, my dear readers, please do not tell me you forgot that John left the house _ALONE_!?!?!?!?  
>  That's never a good sign when I'm writing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm gonna be a little bit slow posting since I'm putting a lot of working into [my Tumblr voice recording series, The Dr. Mel Show](http://drmelshow.tumblr.com) (don't ask about the name. Please. That's in the first voice post)
> 
> Also, this has a _tiny_ headcanon my friends and I formed in an AU of ours. It isn't stated outright, but I'm adding it to the warnings so you can maybe catch on to it.

John sighed as he walked home from the store. So far, no problems.

_No men trying to attack him._

_No panic attacks._

_No people he knew that he didn't want to se-_

Wait, nope. Never mind. That last one totally happened.

Who did he see?

Well, why many might hope it was Karkat, ready to make up and give the blue eyed boy a kiss, it wasn't. Instead, it was a man dressed all in white. A man who John supposed to be dead.

"Dad..."

"Hello, John. Where might you be headed?"

John shifted uncomfortably. "To a friend's house."

"Oh? Mind if I join you?"

John froze. He didn't want to believe this man was his father. He looked too unchanged...

Too ageless...

Too...fitting to the boy's memory.

"Come on, John. It's rude to ignore people." The words were the same. His hearty laugh was the same. "A simple yes or no would work."

John shook his head slowly. He should be ecstatic to see his dad, but ever muscle in his body screamed to run. "He probably would be unhappy if I showed up with company."

"I understand." His dad smiled. "Be home for dinner, though. I'm baking a cake."

_That was why..._

That was why he wanted to run. That was why he felt like he was seeing an imposter. That was why he wasn't see his dad.

_His dad would never be the same..._

John would never tell Jake or Dave, but he had gone exploring in his dad's room while packing up to stay with his friends. He found a journal, which he read vividly. The words written there shattered every vision of his dad. Any saintly beliefs were just vanished. John had questioned in the past while his dad's cakes always seem different than others. Why they tasted better to him.

"John? Are you alright? Do you need your inhaler?" An gentle hand touched the boy.

"Don't touch me!" he screamed, pulling away and taking a few steps back.

His father's eyes were wide...but they were also knowing.

"John, come on. I haven't seen you in ages." His father took a step forward. "Give me a hug."

John took a matching step back. "Stay away!" Tears poured down his cheeks. "Stay away from me!"

It sounded as if a distant voice shouted out his name. Surely John imagined it, right? It sounded too much like...

A grey form pushed the white-clad man away. John's eyes widened as Karkat grabbed his hand, pulling him away without asking questions. Their feet flew across the pavement and through paths that John didn't know existed. Soon, they were stopping for breath, the white-clad man far away.

"You okay?" Karkat asked.

John took a few breaths with his inhaler. "I am now. Thanks."

Karkat smiled a bit. "Good. Come on. Let's get you back to Jake's."

John nodded. He had to rely on the guidance of the troll, as he honestly had no idea where he was. So they walked in silence. It was a bit awkward since John had no idea what to say, even though he had so much he wanted to tell the troll. He just stayed quiet, though, only listening to the sound of their feet...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might have been listening to music while writing this.  
> Britt Nicole can be taken in an inspiring way...remind me to write a chapter about Jake to "The Lost Get Found"  
> Anyway...because of how inspiring it is...I chose _not_ to use Britt Nicole writing it.  
>  No...I used Rascal Flatts instead. Many of their music.  
> And The Civil Wars.  
> (sometimes I'm a slow writer)


	17. Confusion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John is struggling with his feelings.
> 
> He can't stop thinking about the run-in with his dad.  
> At the same time, however, he keeps getting distracted by thoughts of the three boys...

John sighed and sat down on Jake's couch, which provided itself as his bed. He opened up his journal, carefully writing in his favorite blue pen.

_So...today I had a run-in with a ghost. He didn't seem aged at all. He was just like that day so many years ago when he left me for the last time._

_Or what I thought was the last time._

_I don't know how he's still alive. They sent me funeral invites. What happened to him? Why is he suddenly alive when everyone said he was dead? Jane had said he got into trouble with the law. One day while I was at school, apparently. She had told me that he was staying with the Lalondes...er, Lalonde-Egberts...because he was in trouble with the law. Then they caught up to him there. I told myself she was just delusional, though._

_His journal entries, though...they said something else._

_They said she was telling the truth._

_The last entry said where he stored the drugs, in case he was ever able to return. I looked there and was shocked to find the different types. I searched them up._

_Almost all were a type meant to knock a person out._

_And now he came back! Back with the **NERVE** to offer to make a cake. After I found out what was in them!_

_I wish I knew all about it. I wish I could figure out why he would. I wish I could figure out how Rose and her mom were okay with it! With harboring a fugitive and a...a...I can't event stand to write it. Just thinking about it makes me cry. I hate this. I hate him._

_I hate everyone right now..._

_Except...except Karkat...and Jake...and even Dave._

_I love them all so much._

_Maybe some in a different sense in the others. But to me, they're all my family._

_D_ _ave is that weird cousin who was removed so many times he insists it doesn't count on incest and thinks you should date._

_Jake is the older brother. He is always there for me. I don't know where I'd be without him._

_And Karkat is the cousin who is okay with blowing you off except in places where you have to meet up._

_They family is a bit broken...but it's still mine. I wouldn't trade it for the world..._

He sighed and put the pen down, closing the notebook. He wiped at his-tear filled eyes. He hated this. It hurt so much. Everyone was just so confusing. He wasn't sure who to like and who to like-like. He couldn't just listen to his own heart. No, it was just as jumbled up as his mind. It felt like the three boys each had a string that they were pulling. Sometimes one would pull harder than the others, and other times one would be almost invisible.

The tears slowly rolled down his pale cheeks as he closed his eyes. Even in his sleep, he was plagued with thoughts of his dad and the three boys. He just couldn't escape the confusion...


	18. Lies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A nice four-way confrontation

John let out a sigh. He was in Jake's living room, sitting next to him. In the side chairs were Dave and Karkat. Neither looked very happy.

"What's this about, Strider?" Karkat asked, his red eyes trained on the blonde.

"I think it's time we all stop keeping secrets," was the simple response.

"Who the fuck said you get to pick?" the troll shouted.

Dave remained calm. "We all have to get this sorted out. Our secrets impact John." His red eyes turned to the blue-eyed boy, though the sunglasses hid them. "And his secret impacts us."

John's eyes widened. "Dave, no way! When people don't say stuff, it means they're not ready!"

A firm hand touched John's. He looked to see Jake. "I'll go first, if you want. You can go last."

John sighed. "I'm not okay with this, but fine."

Jake smiled a bit. "Okay, fine. You all want to know my secret?" He looked at the three faces. "As you all know, Dirk and I dated for a while. Dave should know that, for one month, I had nothing to do with him. I completely cut him off." Dave gave a slight nod. "The fact is, he wasn't even willing to listen to why. You all know I grew up on an island. Or, I've told you. Whether or not you believe me is your own choice. Well, in that month I broke down. Every inch of the joy and freedom I had built up for myself collapsed. There was none left. I felt as if I was back on the island. It came back, it claimed me. It wouldn't let me call out for help. I lived off the pumpkins that were hoarded in my room for that entire month because that island enveloped my room. I could not leave the room. No one could open the door because of the barricade I put up to keep the lusii out. Slowly I just went mad. When I was finally forced out after Jade climbed through the window, I found that the island was vanishing. It remained nearby, though. I could almost always feel it. When Dirk broke up with me, unwilling to hear what had happened, I became locked inside again. I was alone. The island was going to come back. It took Jade a week to get past the barricades the second time." He looked at John, a few tears in his green eyes. "Then I met someone who was like the embodiment of freedom. He was like the wind: free. And he freed me...and before I realized it, I was head over heels for him." He looked at Dave, wiping his eyes. He set his jaw, eyes returning to serious. "That's all I've kept hidden."

Dave turned to Karkat. "And you?"

"No fucking way, asswipe. You go first."

Dave frowned a bit. "Fine. My bro works late. Because of this, he never shows up for stuff. I have to stay up late so I can help him when he gets home. I come home, sleep while I can, wake up at one, and prepare to give him _anything_ he wants. I had to learn how to lie about my age so I could buy him beer and cigarettes. I have to do his laundry. I have to do whatever he wants. If he comes home and he's sober, he's a really cool guy. We strife, though, and that tends to get me a few cuts. But I actually kinda like those. If he's drunk? It's hell. I can never get anything fast enough. And the result is bruises and slaps I don't want." He looked at Karkat. "Your turn."

Karkat frowned. "I don't get why you guys care. You never spend time with me." He chewed his lip a bit. "Most I have is the stupid parents. I know I'm technically related to Kankri and Signless, but I'm forced to live with a human family. The family doesn't get how trolls work, they serve food that tastes like shit, and they treat me differently. They don't even realize that trolls are naturally independent. They don't give me a bedroom door, they only give me about half an hour alone if I'm not at school or with a friend, and they try to pester me about everything. They're human. Not trolls. They don't get me and they treat me terribly. The end."

Everyone looked expectantly at John. He sighed.

"My dad...he used to bake a lot when I was young...and I loved the cakes. I ate a lot, and it always ended up with me taking a long nap. I always figured it was from eating so much, but he actually..." His voice trailed off. He wasn't sure how to word this. They were his family, right? They would understand...right?

"John...you don't have to say if you don't want to," Jake said softly. "It's okay."

"But we won't treat you differently if you tell us," Dave pointed out. "We'll accept it."

Jake nodded. "Anything."

John hesitated. "He...he drugged the cakes."

That was all anyone needed to figure it out. Even Jake knew what was being implied. He wrapped a firm arm around the small boy, holding him close. "It's okay. It's okay." He gently kissed John's head.

"We're keeping that fuckass from you," Karkat said suddenly. "Promise."

Dave nodded. "As much as I hate to agree with Karkat, he's right."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late post.  
> I've been trying to figure out how best to type up a one-shot idea I had.  
> (which is up at [Bubblegum Bitch](http://archiveofourown.org/works/849509)  
> Yes, I was listening to Marina and the Diamonds)


	19. Normality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things finally seem to be returning to normal for John.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SOOOOOOOO sorry for not updating in so long!  
> I had finals, and then I had to worry about getting things sorted out for my job, and then I started working, and I don't get off until six.

John let out a sigh of relief as he finished piling his books into his book bag. He was in no rush today. Not like he used to be.

He saw a few football players headed towards him and, by reflex, tensed up. He readied himself to be tripped, but a strong hand on his shoulder gave him reassurance. He smiled a bit at the blonde boy that he had hated not too long ago.

"Hey, John."

"Hi, Dave. Ready for science?"

"Never. But we might as well get it over with."

"We have a lab today. And Mr. Psiioniic said that, since it's the last day before Christmas break, we can work with whoever we want."

"Four of us, then?"

"Yup."

It took John a moment to register the expression on Dave's face. The corners of his mouth were tilted upward, just like so many other people did every day. But...that was impossible.

Dave never smiled! Especially not in public!

"C'mon. Let's not be late, Egbutt."

John laughed. "Don't call me that!"

"Fine. Eggass."

"My ass does not look like an egg!"

"It does too. Only softer. Like...a smuppet."

John's cheeks flared. "Stop talking about my butt."

"Fine."

They were both smiling as they grabbed their labs from the front desk and went to a table. Karkat and Jake were both sitting there already, facing one another. They were talking, and it sounded like it was about the lusii that had been on Jake's island.

"There are some that are really weaker and don't seem too keen on attacking anyone unless their troll is threatened," Karkat was saying. "Like the little bulls with wings."

"Those still freaked me out. They had horns."

"So do I."

"Yeah, but that's not saying much," Jake said with a laugh as John took a seat next to him. "You can be violent."

"I can second that motion," Dave chimed in.

"Shut up, Strider," Karkat said, rolling his eyes.

John laughed lightly, enjoying this sight. His friends were all okay. They were having fun. They were enjoying time with him. They were all...okay. No Dave's Bro. No John's Dad. Just four guys, laughing and being dorks. It was perfect. The life he really wanted back when he was being pushed around by jocks, or lectured by Karkat, or told boring stories by Jake.

Even now...

He looked forward to everyone time Dave touched him. It was warm, and welcoming.

He looked forward to Karkat's lectures. His voice was something John could get lost in.

He looked forward to Jake's stories. They took him away from the world and to a much better place.

He looked forward to just spending time with all three of them as much as he possibly could. Nothing could ever replace that main desire of his.


	20. I Love You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave decides that the event of him kissing John that day 13 chapters ago doesn't count as John's first kiss

John yawned as he sat up. They had spent all night playing truth or dare. The three boys asleep cuddled up next to him had all aimed all their questions at him. He found it kinda unfair. Even so, he played along. He laughed at them as he used ridiculous dares.

None of them would choose truth after he asked Dave who he liked.

Dave had, of course, refused to answer. He kept trying to make it seem like he was over John, so John wondered who he liked instead. After all, understanding the Strider was so hard.

The dare following the truth denial? He had to run down the street naked. The neighbors threatened to call the cops.

A yawn stole John's attention away. He looked to see the red eyes of Dave open up. He smiled, standing up and stretching.

"Hey, John," the Strider said as he played with John's pants.

"Get up," John said. "It's early. We can watch the sunrise."

Dave's eyes widened a bit, though John didn't really notice. He was busy pulling Dave to his feet and out the door. Soon, they were in the backyard. Dave smiled and tangled his fingers with John's. He liked the warmth as they layed in the canopy tangled in Jake's trees. It had the perfect vew of the sky as it changed colors for the sunrise. That's why Dave dragged him straight there, cuddling close to the small blue-eyed bow. His arms wrapped around him protectively, sheltering him from everything else. He just wanted to protect John.

"Dave...?"

"Hm?"

"You can't see the sunset if you're positioned like this."

"I don't want to...I just want to see you."

John's cheeks turn bright red. "D-Dave!"

His voice remained soft, even though John's had risen in surprise. "I don't think last time should count as your first kiss like you said it was last night...I don't think it's fair to call it your first. You didn't even kiss back."

John lowered his voice dramatically. "I kinda hated you then."

"So you don't now?" Dave couldn't help but feel hopeful. 

"Of course I don't!" John turned so he was facing Dave. "I would never hate you! You're one of the best people in my life! One of my best frie-"

Tears entered Dave's eyes. He quickly turned away. "Of course. How silly of me."

John couldn't help as his eyes softened. He thought a moment. How could he make Dave not sad anymore? He hesitated, taking a moment to think over everything. Could he do this and genuinely mean it? Of course he could! All he wanted was Dave. All he wanted was to make the Strider smile. Besides that...he wanted to hear Dave say it. Just confirm it before he said it.

So, his lips gently kissed at the Strider's bare back. He noticed Dave go tense, but he tried not to pay attention as he continued to kiss each curve and indent. Each bruise or scar.

"J-John?"

He stopped, his lips still on Dave's back. Dave had actually stuttered. "Hm?"

"What are you doing?"

John smiled. "Trying to turn you around."

Dave sighed and turned to face John. This boy, with flaming red eyes who had insisted that he was over John, was perfection. His flame eyes swallowed up John's water ones. John just wanted to kiss him and hug him and never let him go. Yes, he liked Jake and Karkat. But Jake acted like a brother, and Karkat was that protective best friend who he had a thing with in the past, though it hadn't been official.

"What do you-"

His soft lips pressed against Dave's rough ones. He wasn't entirely sure what he was doing, but Dave didn't pull away. Instead, he pulled John closer as he kissed back. Their eyes closed, and John subconsciously wrapped his arms around Dave's neck as Dave held him by his waist, nothing but John's boxers keeping his hands from smooth skin. This moment was heaven for John. He felt his heart soar, but at the same time skip a beat. He felt like a fire engulfed his heart, but at the same time it was cooled into a nice feeling. He never wanted to leave. He just wanted to stay here, his lips locked onto Dave's, tasting the apples on Dave's lips.

But all good things come to and end, and Dave soon pulled away. He was close enough that, as he spoke, his words hit John's lips. Both of their eyes were closed, as if opening them would make the moment disappear. John hadn't explored Dave's body as much as he wanted to. He didn't want this moment to end...

"I love you."

John felt tears enter his eyes as he quickly kissed Dave. He made sure to pull away before Dave could react, giving the Strider time to process at as he found the courage to speak. The words got caught in his throat a few times, but soon they were out in front of them both. There was no hiding it anymore.

_"I love you, too."_


End file.
